Grumpy Spouse on a Cruise

I hate transatlantic flights - especially after driving 8 hours from Colorado to my in-laws in Utah, trying to sleep on an uncomfortable couch while frequently struggling with B who sensed her parents were going to leave her for 2 weeks. (tangential comment [tc]: the Subway in Grand Junction has pizza and a friendly staff.) And after a relatively pleasant flight from SLC to JFK which had screens at every seat (L played a trivia game on hers) and the adjustable headrest that actually fits someone of my height. Then we get to the transatlantic flight. L was quite impressed with the aircraft when we walked on; the impression lasted until we entered the economy cabin. No personal screens, no adjustable headrest. I scrunched down so my head could rest and jammed my knees into the seat in front of me. For 10 noisy hours. (tc: (500) Days of Summer has an awesome parody of Bergman's The Seventh Sign). We arrived mid-morning in Greece - 36 hours after leaving Colorado.

Luckily, we were able to check into our hotel as soon as the tour group got us there - and sleep (though we did manage to make it to lunch).

That night we looked for a restaurant. We followed my Dad's guideline of looking for the crowded restaurant - until we realized that everyone there was just drinking. The 2nd choice was excellent. And I learned a lesson: while sarcasm is probably universal, it is tough to convey when the person has to translate the words first. And my brothers learned no one carries Mountain Dew over there.

We woke groggily the next morning to find that, yes, the hotel buffet was included (hmmm ... smoked salmon on bagels). We decided to explore Athens. Here's me looking so enthused (I, of course, am wearing my ASCII shirt since it's an International Standard.):


We made it to the Parliament building; unfortunately for you, L refused to let me take pictures of the protesters (or the police in riot gear).

After hours of walking, I needed a Water Closet. Unfortunately, most Athenians don’t speak English (tc: they have made an art out of parking their cars).

We did make to the Temple of Zeus in Athens. This is not where one of the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World was (as I mistakenly thought for most of the trip). The columns are 6’ in diameter and 55’ high (Sorry, I just don’t do meters).


The next morning we got on our bus and met the 31 others that we would be touring with. I’m glad 2 had walkers to accompany my Dad’s scooter. Unfortunately, our guide appeared to be right out of My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding without the benefit of having lived in the states. “The word for … in greek is … and there you go.” (tc: in order for the neck to turn the head, it needs to know which direction we're facing.)

She did say to truly experience Athens you need 4 nights … and maybe a day. ;)

In the ruins of Corinth, L had a great experience as tour group of Japanese Christians sang How Great Thou Art.

Then we had our first experience of tour guides taking us to stores – where we’re sure they (and the Travel Agency) get a kickback.

Then onto the Ship – where every time you board the ship or enter a crowded area, they hose you down with Purell. Okay, they just offered it to you, but what do you when they pump enough for your legs into your hands, and you’re wearing a long-sleeve shirt and pants? Do your neck?

We had the late seating for dinner ~8:30. And I was sorely disappointed by the food – and was continually disappointed for the rest of the cruise. Guess I shouldn't have let L build up my expectations so much. (tc: 3 desserts does not make up for tough meat in the entree.)

We ate the breakfast buffet as the ship passed Crete. Then the ship started rolling. I tried to make it through the seminars, but gave up in the early afternoon and just laid in bed. I’m not sure how I made it to dinner.

Egypt – I know someone told me that the drive from Alexandria to Cairo was 90 minutes; why did it take 3 hours? And I know they told everyone that the “papyrus” the street vendors offer are made from banana leaf and will last a week. So why were people on my bus buying the junk?

Oh yeah, our guide was very hard to understand. So she repeated herself. If you didn’t catch what she said the first time, you weren’t going to catch it the second time. And if you did catch it, then you just got bored. (tc: the lines on the streets are apparently just there for decoration.)

And here I am after being asked by an Egyptian Policeman to pay him a dollar for letting me touch the Great Pyramid and L spent $8 on Egyptian headdresses (You’ll probably see them when we do the Nativity):


We had a cold dinner on a cruise on the Nile. And an uncomfortable 3-hour ride back to the ship. (tc: Egyptians can have a sense of humor; ask L about the spinning dancer.)

We woke the next day in Ashdod, Israel and waited while Israel checked the ship's documents. Then immigration searched mine & L’s bags before we could get on our bus (they didn’t search everyones).

We liked our guide in Israel as he had spent some time in the states and was very open-minded about religion.


No, that’s not me flashing the gang sign; that’s my evil twin posing with our guide.

L’s favorite place in Jerusalem was the Garden Tomb -

though we also saw the Temple Mount (including the Wailing Wall and the new excavation at the Davidson Center), Pools of Bethesda, Upper Room, Garden of Gethsemane (maybe the Islam call to prayer disrupted the peace there), Caiaphas’ house, Courtyard of Pontius Pilot, and stores (including an olive wood art store with Captain Moroni and Joseph Smith figures [it also had a BYU flag hanging on the wall]).

Oh yeah, that took 2 days – and both days immigration searched our bags.

Our third day in Israel (immigration searched us again) took us to the Sea of Galilee. L’s favorite spot was the Mount of Beattitudes:


We also saw Capernaum and the traditional spots for Jesus feeding the 5,000 and the resurrected Jesus appearing to the apostles as they were fishing.

L liked the quiet place our tour took us beside the River Jordan near where Jesus was baptized, though she could have done without the presentation of the fish at lunch:

I could have done without the shopping at Cyprus and Rhodes the next 2 days.

On our last full day on the ship we arrived in Turkey. Our bus took us to the ruins of Ephesus:

We weren’t impressed. This looked about like the ruins at Corinth or Capernaum. Then we turned the corner:

And around the corner from that was the Coliseum which sat 18,000.

Then I woke up really early the next day to call my in-laws at 8pm Sat. night their time to tell them we were about to head to the Athens airport. Then a transatlantic flight – just as uncomfortable, but they subjugated us to Land of the Lost. Add in a longer layover in JFK (and not getting off in the morning from the in-laws when I wanted to) and our return trip was 46 hours.

You may think I’m complaining too much, but I'm not mentioning the worst part of the trip. And yes, it was worse than having nothing better to than watch Land of the Lost.

And I'm not mentioning it. So, there.